THERE YOU ARE.
I've been looking for you for THREE BLEEDING DAYS. WHERE THE SODDING PISSBUCKET HAVE YOU BEEN. SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH- mmrffrmmrrf
Yes I can see that. Were you up in the dormitory the whole time?
Don't be retarded. I was off saving second years from almost certain death, PADMAN TO THE RESCUE and all that. Ouch, mind the cut.
Sorry! Here hold still, I'll fix it for you.
Nononono don't touch it, I want to keep it. It makes me look manly.
Well, alright. Did you bring James's diary with you?
Okay, I've got Lily's and Peter's. I think Snape must have taken his with him when he left.
You're not even going to ask where I've put it?
Uh. I'm not sure I want to now.
Alright, where have you put it?
Oh come on I know it's down your trousers.
Well when you say it like that it just sounds infantile.
Padfoot, give me that diary. Honestly, sometimes I worry about you and James.
Nope, can't do that. You'll have to retrieve it yourself.
Ugh how did I not see that coming. Alright, c'mere you.
Sirius, now really isn't the time-
nrngh stop it!
Don't you remember what happened the last time you tried to molest me in the library?
Now come on, we've got to hide these diaries.
Aww, c'mon! This is completely different, Madam Pince isn't anywhere in sight- the adults have all gone. We could be eaten by zombies at any moment. You don't want to die a virgin, do you?
Well, no but-
Wait, I thought we got rid of all the zombies?
Moony, they are like cockroaches. No matter how many of them you stomp on, there will always be like ten thousand more trying to eat through the floorboards. Now take your shirt off.
Wait wait we should hide the diaries first. I found somewhere safe we can put them, so nobody will be able to find them except us.
Y'no, if we ever need them back.
Ooh, that is a good spot. How long have you known about that?? And more importantly, why didn't you tell me? This would have been perfect for that batch of dodgy dungbombs last month- alright alright sorry, bad time.
Probably not. But it's now or never, right?
We are talking about the diaries, right?
What? Oh yeah, definitely.
Maybe it's just the mildew in my eyes, but you're looking very attractive today, Remus. You ought to wear ripped cardigans more often.
What do you mean rip-
Oh blast. That must have been when I was fighting those zombies off in the dungeon. Oh never mind, hurry up and pass me those diaries. No, Sirius that's my thigh.
Mmmm you really do have beautiful thighs. Could I just-
No! Just wait a minute, would you? This is all quite upsetting.
Not that! Get your face out of there!
I mean, y'no. Leaving.
It's probably best not to think about it too much.
What the hell, Remus, since when do you own VIOLET underwear?
Oh I don't, they're yours. I didn't think you'd mind.
Oh. I don't, actually, it's not like I ever wear them anyway.
Take your shirt off, would you? I've only got two hands.
WHAT THE BLEEDIN BOLLOCKS ARE YOU TWO DOING IN HERE? LOOTING, I BET.
JUST WAIT TIL PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE HEARS ABOUT THIS!