DID I KNOW?
Mate, I was the one that found that dodgy note from Grindlewhatsit in the first place. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FORGET EVER SINCE.
OKAY DON'T SHOUT I'M SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
Wait, you never told me about that!
HOW DO YOU- oh sorry mate. How do you think the whole thing got started anyway? One minute I'm digging through all these papers, the next minute I'm reading about how much Grindlewald wants to put one up Dumbledore.
We should have seen it coming mate, he was pretty flamboyant.
Yeah, well, lots of wizards wear purple. He did look like a giant walking dildo though, you're right.
His knob, mate.
He wore a lot of velvet too, made sense. Seems a bit strange him getting together with his enemy though, doesn't it? I mean fair enough mate, be as gay as you want, but why with someone evil!
Oh right. Do you reckon Remus and Sirius ever--actually never mind, I don't think I want to know.
Well yeah that would be like me snogging Snape or Malfoy or something. Ugh.
Shut up, mate. Sirius Black was the straightest guy in the world. You really do need a new gaydar.
EW MATE, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR SODDING MIND. SNAPE. MALFOY. Malfoy is going bald by the way, Bill told me.
Sirius Black. As in Sirius Black my godfather, yeah? Sirius Black the disco QUEEN. Ron did you read ANY of those diaries I showed you?
THAT'S MY POINT STUPID. That's because he's a bad person. Hair loss happens to bad people.
Whatever, mate. He had a huge motorbike, Dad told me that muggles who ride enormous motorbikes are always straight.
I AM NOT STUPID. You're stupid. I can't believe you didn't know Dumbledore was gay.
Your Dad also told you that wanking makes you go blind. And that eating brown bread gives you hair on your chest. And that eating carrots makes you see in the dark. And that going swimming at two in the morning on the second Tuesday of the second month means you can read peoples minds. The squid almost drowned you!
SHUT UP. I had other things to worry about.
I COULD TOTALLY SEE BETTER ON THE ALL CARROT DIET.
You'd think with the amount of time you spent in his office, mate. All those private meetings. Alone. Meeting. Privately.
Just saying. It's a bit bloody suspicious.
But he had a lot of meetings with me.
Yeah mate, think about it.
Lots of MEETINGS.
STOP IT. STOP GAYING IT UP. DUMBLEDORE WAS NEVER GAY WITH ME. HE WAS A PERFECT GENTLEMAN.
ME? GAYING IT UP? Whatever, mate. You were the one going on about Sirius being a flaming homosexual.
Dumbledore probably wasn't interested in you anyway because you weren't evil. Maybe all gay men go for evil blokes.
He was RETROsexual. Remus told me so.
Maybe, yeah. If you were gay, who would you go for?
Oh REMUS told you. Now there was a gay man. Please tell me you knew he was gay.
I dunno, not someone evil if I could help it though, mate. It must be better in the long run if you're gay with someone you like.
YES. Except for the part where he got married and had a kid and everything.
You'd think so, wouldn't you. I reckon I could be gay for you. If I was gay.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Where did THAT come from.
US? GAY? I guess. If I was going to be gay for anyone. It would probably be you. I mean. Not that I am slightly gay. BREASTS, mate, that is the good stuff.
Yeah. Your sister's knockers are way better than yours.
I'm going to let that one slide, mate. Because I think we're bonding over our mutual non-gayness.
But JUST YOU BE CAREFUL AROUND MY SISTER'S KNOCKERS ALL RIGHT?
You didn't know?!!
And here is me under the misconception that homosexuals had a notoriously good gaydar!!!
Yeah well, there are--Wait! I'm not a homosexual! Shut up, Hermione. Your face is a homosexual.
My face is perfectly hetrosexual!!
WAIT WAS THAT A WORD YOU SPELLED WRONG. LIKE A MISTAKE WITH YOUR SPELLING?
shut up! shut up! shut up!
I don't know how that happened!!!!
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY.
You're losing the plot, mate. That's what happens when you spend weeks and weeks hanging about with all those legal books and wotsits instead of people!
one spelling error does NOT mean I am losing the plot!!
Yeah but you only had half a plot to begin with.
I have enough plot to get you two out of shit creek more times than we can count!!!
Yeah well, I saved THE ENTIRE WORLD. ABOUT SIX TIMES.
OI! WHAT ABOUT ME, MATE?
REMEMBER THE CHESSBOARD.
YES, RON, WE ALL REMEMBER THE CHESSBOARD. YOU BRING IT UP EVERY SINGLE TIME.
TIME TO MOVE ON.
I WAS A BLOODY HERO YOU WANKER. I SAVED EVERYONE.
YOU ONLY COULD DO ALL THOSE THINGS LATER BECAUSE I DID THE CHESSBOARD THING.
I helped with the Basilisk!!
OH YEAH? WELL I.
And you helped us a lot!
Well done, Ron! Well done!
YEAH! Yeah I did. Thanks Hermione!
I helped loads. I killed a sodding Horcrux too. I'll go down in the anus of history!
DON'T TALK TO HIM LIKE HE'S HAD A LOBOTOMISER.
I'm encouraging him!! That's what he needs!!!! Instead of just shouting at him!!! Do you know he still wets the bed?!! HMMMM?!?
SHUT UP THAT WAS ONCE AND ONLY BECAUSE I WOKE UP AND YOU WERE STANDING THERE WEARING THAT STUFF ON YOUR FACE LAVENDER GAVE YOU AND YOU LOOKED LIKE AN INFERI